Phase 1 : The Five Stages of Grief

Phase 1: The Five Stages of Grief

While some professionals speak of seven stages, we felt this REALLY drug out the process, so you only get five before it’s time to move on, girl!

Stage 1: Denial

You… are a spectacular woman. So spectacular, that he never deserved you in the first place. Your mother knew it and in your heart, you probably did too! Don’t look at this as rejection or even failure, rather, an opportunity of self-discovery and the ability to bring home as many shopping bags as you can carry without having to break into a full-on sprint up the stairs to hide the evidence! Yeah, that’s right… he’s not there and you know what? That’s okay! You will grow to love the solitude of answering to no one. Caution: don’t hang out too long in this stage.

Stage 2: Anger

You’re pissed! You just knew all along his assistant was attracted to him and that there was more overtime being worked on the “company” then on his company, if you follow us.

Listen carefully, he’s a child and that is not even her real hair. She’s really not that hot without those 36- inch hair extensions and the push-up water bra! This is about him, not you. He’s looking for something he can’t find within himself! If you really get your creative, badass self on, this can be a really fun stage, so make the best of it. Take for example this great bumper sticker his car could be sporting tomorrow (but please don’t do this if you have kids that might see it at all).

Stage 3: Bargaining

In this stage, we become lost in a maze of “If only…” or “What if…” statements. We want life returned to what is was… sort of. We want to love and be loved by our loved one. We want to go back in time: find the spark that was there in the beginning, recognize the signs more quickly, stop the affair from happening… if only, if only, if only. Guilt is often bargaining’s companion. The “if onlys” cause us to find fault in ourselves and what we “think” we could have done differently. We may even attempt to bargain with the pain. We will do anything to not feel the pain of this loss. Sometimes we will even stay in a bad situation to avoid it. This is fear, and everything we want in life is on the other side of it!

Whatever you do, don’t make any “deals” at this stage that are going to compromise who you are at your core. And who you are, darling, is a strong, beautiful, self-sufficient woman who has just been handed the keys to a whole new shot at life! Only fear can spoil this for you.

Stage 4: Depression

The breakup is not an excuse to run to the fridge you vixen, as soon you will be entering the last stage of this grief crap and it’s time to start thinking about getting your hot body back! Do it for both of you. Time will show him what he really lost, but burn him up now with a smoking hot body to go with that smoking hot mind and soul we’re working on right here! Allow yourself a set amount of time – three days, let’s say, to cry and wallow in pity. After these three days, you are not permitted to sit around and wallow any more. Those days are over. Play every sad song you know download our personal Bitttersweet Breakup™ Songs here  and cry, cry, cry until the cows come home. Order in Chinese food and every sad romantic movie ever made. If you have children, see if your ex can take them for a few days to allow you this time to feel sorry for yourself. No makeup, no deodorant… hole up and don’t leave the house. You will smell and look horrible when this is all over, but this is a beautiful exercise. After the three days, take a picture of yourself and look at it. Now, ask yourself “was the relationship good for me?” and “was I really happy?”

You weren’t happy! Look at the picture!


Stage 5: Acceptance

Yes, you really are getting divorced. This is real and it’s happening and, although there is still some fear, you know at your core that it is the best thing, even if you were not the one that initiated the breakup. If one person has checked out, there is no longer a connection. There will be some challenges ahead, but you have made it through the hardest stages. Congratulations! Check out one of our handpicked personally loved books found in each phase,  and take this time for yourself to learn and grow from your last relationship.

Celebrate your awesomeness!